Here is what I’ve been wrestling with the last few days. It’s been difficult, frustrating and most of all humbling. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has been having this same conversation with God. I would love to hear what God is teaching you through all of this, here is what he is teaching me.
Like many of you I have experienced a wide array of emotions over the last several days and weeks. I’ve been indifferent, I’ve been anxious, I’ve been scared, I’ve been confused, I’ve been hopeful, and now I find myself disrupted and frustrated. I’m not frustrated over the precautions being taken, as I fully understand the concept of flattening the curve, and the necessity of doing what we are doing. Nevertheless, I’m frustrated because I’m disrupted.
I’m frustrated my daughter can’t play with her friends at school. I’m frustrated my wife doesn’t get to care for her students each day like normal. I’m frustrated that we had to postpone our Spring Break trip for our awesome Seniors at Central. I’m frustrated that my wife and I had a trip planned for the first time since having kids and we had to cancel it. I’m frustrated people’s lives are being turned upside down. I’m frustrated that I have to work from home. I’m frustrated I can’t worship with our middle schoolers and high schoolers in person. I’m frustrated I can’t eat in a restaurant. I’m frustrated every time I go to a grocery store. I’m frustrated I was finally in the habit of going to the gym and now I can’t. I’m frustrated I can’t buy toilet paper. You get the picture. I’m disrupted. I’m frustrated.
My family has been disrupted. My plans have been disrupted. My work schedule has been disrupted. My sense of control has been disrupted.
After I typed that last line I had to pause…. “My sense of control has been disrupted.” I’m frustrated because I can’t control what’s going on. I don’t get to make the decisions for my life anymore. THAT’S IT! That’s really why I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated because it’s become very clear I never had control in the first place. Then I’m hit with the humbling thought, I never should have had control in the first place.
Ouch. I never should have had control in the first place. It’s not like the plans I made or especially the want for toilet paper is bad, right? Eric….. YOU WERE NEVER IN CONTROL IN THE FIRST PLACE! Ok God, I’m starting to get it. I’m realizing that where I found my security, what I depended on, where I was getting joy and a sense of freedom from wasn’t and isn’t always God. Now do I think this is all happening because God wanted to teach us a lesson and he sent some virus to do it? No, I don’t. Do I think God is going to use this to open my eyes and teach me a lesson? Absolutely. He’s already doing it.
How’s he doing that you ask? Well here was my Bible verse for the day.
Isaiah 55:8, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither
are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
Boy isn’t that the truth! I’m throwing a pity party over some trips I don’t get to take, and having a little life disruption. Meanwhile what is God concerned with? He’s concerned with me going and making disciples of all nations and baptizing them. He’s concerned with our one’s. He’s concerned with those that are most vulnerable right now.
Ecclesiastes 3:1, “ There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”
There is going to be a time for the things we enjoy in this world like trips and eating out, but right now the time is for unity. The time is for connection in ways we aren’t used to connecting. The time is now to push through the selfishness and frustration of disruption. It’s time we learn where to put our control.
Proverbs 3:5, “trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.”
So here is what I am praying for today. I am praying for peace in the frustrations. I am praying to have the humbleness to give up control. I am praying for God to use this circumstance to expand His glory and His Kingdom. I am praying for God to use me. I am praying for my One.
I’m disrupted, I’m frustrated, but I’m listening, and I am learning, and I am slowly but surely giving up control.