First Night Home
It was 2am on December 8th. Sarah was asleep in our bed, Lyric was asleep in the bassinet an arm’s reach away. The house was dark, I was terrified. The last few days had been an absolute blur… a serious health scare with Sarah, an emergency C-section, a few less-than luxurious nights on a not-so-easy chair, and now a perfectly healthy baby girl lay sleeping in my room 5 weeks earlier than planned. If you’re a parent, you’ve lived that night. I was completely exhausted. I can’t imagine how Sarah must have felt. Yet somehow this fragile infant was released by fully capable medical professionals into the charge of my bungling untrained care. Shouldn’t there have been some sort of qualifying test for this? Shouldn’t I have a special license hanging around my neck or a card in my wallet signifying the satisfactory completion of “caring for a living human 101?” I really wasn’t convinced this was the right week, let alone day for me to take the reins of this little life. But there I stood. This was real.
For the past four hours I had been hovering over the 4.5lb baby girl with a military grade Mag light and uneasy ears tuned to every breath. The complete uncertainty of the moment had me praying with unprecedented fervor. Asking God questions that were totally new to my vertical vocabulary. What if I can’t handle this fatherhood thing? What if I fall asleep and I’m not standing here to know she stops breathing? What if I drop this flashlight on her face?!
It was in those sickeningly weary moments I found myself begging Him for strength to stay awake. The unnatural ability to function without rest and realize my daddy desire to stand guard over her around the clock. I’ve never heard God audibly speak but, in that moment, I genuinely sensed Him whisper words I desperately needed: “I never grow weak Jon. I never grow weary. I never slumber and I never sleep. My understanding goes beyond anything you can comprehend. I know what you’re doing and I appreciate the effort but get some sleep…I’m here…I’ve got her… I love her as much you do.”
So, what’s the newborn in your life? What incites insecurity and rears restlessness in you? Given the current state of our world, I’d say most of ours are connected. In this ever-changing circumstance, be encouraged with never changing truth; His strength is ultimate. His wisdom is unending. His thoughts are higher and His ways are greater. He’s never failed and He never will. He. Alone. Is. God. Relax a little and let Him do what he does best!